If you are serious about development you need to have the right people around you. Here’s why.
The Johari Window is a theoretical model of your ‘self’. It has four different parts;
The Open Self – what you know about you and what others know about you
The Hidden Self – what you know about you that you choose to not let others see
The Blind Self – what you don’t know about yourself that others can see
The Unknown Self – what nobody knows about you (yet)
The Open Self is already in your consciousness so we’re all good there. That which you choose to keep as your Hidden Self is also in your awareness, you don’t need help with that. This then leaves us with the remaining two – Blind and Unknown.
Having people around you that will tell you about your Blind Self is critical. Yes, this is for relaying back your faults but even more important is for somebody to highlight your strengths. I’ve written before about how we take these for granted (simple proof is to ask people who know you really well what your strengths are, almost always there will be one or two surprises). Your Blind Self may contain Superpowers that you will never fully recognise without an external perspective. Why would you not want to know what they are?
You are more powerful than you realise
Now let’s talk about the Unknown Self. The part of you that is within you, waiting to be unleashed. The other person can’t see it either so how do they help you to access it? Through inspiration.
Think about the times when you have made a leap in development. In my life there was always a person who inspired me to become more than I was.
My parents who never told me what to be, they told me I could be anything I chose to be.
Lynne Anderson who helped me to make my first move into working with mindsets.
Lucy-Rose Walker at Entrepreneurial Spark who believes in me and trusts me.
Gayle Mann, Gill Moffatt, James Powell, Jim Duffy, the list goes on. Without these people I might never have made the developmental leaps that I have. They didn’t tell me what to do, they didn’t point out where I had to go. Instead they did something that was more important. They believed in me.
In their book called ‘The Power of Moments’ (which is excellent incidentally), Chip and Dan Heath write that a good mentor is a person who says;
“I have high expectations for you and I know you can meet them. Try this new challenge and if you fail, I’ll help you recover.”
I’d tweak that slightly and say;
“Set yourself high expectations because I believe in you. Tell me what challenge you want to attempt and I’ll support you through it. If you fail, I’ll help you recover.”
Who says that to you? Whom do you say it to?
Our approach embodies this. Your coach and the community of people around you live by that ethos. Believe in yourself, attempt the unknown, relish the outcome. Remember that failure is an option, indeed it is an essential part of growth. It helps you build resilience whilst you search for the right path. Accepting failure and moving on prevents your ego from demanding that you repeatedly bash your head against an unassailable obstacle. With our community, failure is simply the point at which we ask;
“How do you feel? What did you learn and what do you want to do now?”
Who believes in you? Does your peer group challenge you to become better and support you when you need it? Who could you become if you were free from negative judgement and unleashed your Unknown Self?
Find out what it feels like to have people around you who believe in you. Or don’t.
Make your choice.
Working with the group has been powerful for me. In one of our group sessions, we
committed together to taking a bold action. For me, that means going to physical
places and selling my product. It feels so good facing your fear – showing your face
in a public space, facing that rejection, building resilience. We have so many barriers
and blockers in our minds, but talking with the group really opened up new options.
We are like-minded, but we don’t think alike – we all have a different way of looking
at things. It’s a culture of respect and of authenticity, where I don’t feel judged.
– Stefania Pellegrino, Managing Director of Purely Plantain